In God's Time

I'm 25 years old, to most that isn't too old. But I think I have done so much in my 25 years. I'm so happy in where I am in my life right now. I have husband that respects me, laughs with me & treats me better then I even knew someone could be treated. We don't fight, maybe only 5 in our whole relationship. I know some say fighting is healthy but we don't. We both have been through so many hard times some before our relationship, some during them and I know some will come in our future. These hard times has taught us that fighting isn't worth it, this life is so short. My mom always taught me don't get mad at silly stuff, because in the end it doesn't matter. You might like to fight but we like to laugh and love. Cheesy, I know. But I take pride in what we have...I know I'm lucky. I thank God and Clay all the time for all the wonderful things they have brought to me. Clay never leaves this house without knowing how much he means to me, and that is the honest truth. I still get super sad around 1:30 and I start getting clingy and begging him not to go that day! And when I hear that clunky truck coming up the drive I still get happy feet and greet him at the door! And no time or years will make this change because I was raised to not take things for granted and he is one of my most important things!

This month always gets me super emotional. I spend alot of time hiding in my bathtub wiping away tears and thinking of the way my life might have been. On march 7th my oldest son Kaidyn Cash Johnson would have been 3 years old. Gosh, a 3 year old running around here just blows my mind to think about! Alot of laughter and joy is missing because that boy is not in this house. I have a few friends on facebook that have lil boys that is the same age and if they only knew how many times I look at their pictures to just get a view of how tall he might be right now or what new things he might be doing. It is a comfort thing for me, its me seeing him grow up. I look at his brother and try to think how much they are probably alike. I'm so thankful for this little boy and everything that he has taught me. I am who I am today because of losing him. I still think of him EVERYDAY. He has taught me patience, to love & care with my whole heart. He has taught me how it is to hurt, which has taught me how to pray. I only got to hold him for a few short hours but in those hours he taught me about life!!! The real life. Not how many hours your husband works, not whats in my driveway or my closet, not who thinks this or where we are, not what needs to be done but just being happy in the moment.

I have many happy moments. I know next year and the next will come around with the same feelings and emotions. But if I'm not where I need to be this time always bring me back to the importance in life. I hope everyone takes the time to tell the people that matter most how much they mean to them. I wish everyone happiness and most importantly gratefulness.

Happy Birthday my son. You are loved.

Until Next time peace, love n alittle Beyonce to lift your spirits.